I · wish · for · a · wish, · can · I? · ♥

你告訴我, 到底是想怎樣?  簡訊中所散發出的感覺明明讓我覺得是這一回事, 卻偏偏被你無意的談話給磨滅. 

10次裡面, 有9次是我主動傳簡訊給你. 今天你竟然主動傳簡訊給我卻不回覆我. 對, 我覺得好奇怪, 但是當你說你是因為學校開會所以不可以回答, 我原諒了你. 但是我又想了想, 我憑什麼生氣? 我們之間沒有關係啊! 我們之間的關係, 或許對你, 對外人來說, 只不過是好朋友.  但是, 你知道每次你說的那些話, 句句都讓我覺得好曖昧. 你的用意, 我真的不明白. 

我有想過要不要和你明確地說, 卻有擔心著你的答覆. 
我有想過要不要和你明確地說, 但是我好累.
憑什麼感情裡我要做主動的那一方? 不是說如果那人喜歡你, 他會不惜一切地討好你嗎?

我知道你會在任何時候盡你最大的可能回覆我的簡訊. 
我知道你很貼心因為你說過你有想要陪我去買我要的東西, 想要我和你吃晚餐因為我沒有晚餐.
我知道你會配合我, 在某些地方扮傻.
可是, 可不可以不要一直扮傻?

你的體貼, 你的關心, 你的友情, 你的一切, 都讓我覺得是喜歡. 
可是偏偏總會有某些地方讓我三思. 

我已經做到很明顯了, 明顯到已經和以往的我所用的方式大不相同了. 
可不可以告訴我, 你到底, 有沒有喜歡我?

25 April 2012:

Met up with Felicia and Tinghui after work!!!! We went novena square for a mini gathering and dinner at Soup Spoon! Hehehe! And for the 3 hours of sitting there, we spent 99% talking about our children in our respective centres. Hehe, totally awesome. Listened to some of their funny stories only to realize that it was already 9plus. Seemed like when you're spending time with loved ones, time really fly passed quickly. Also, they brought me present and a cake since it was my birthday in 5 days' time. Hehe <3<3 


Card done by Felicia Tan <3<3


Present by the lovely girls <3<3 
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29 April 2012: 

Most awesome day ever because it was my beloved ghost's autograph session for his latest album "Break Heart Black Heart" at West Mall. Met up with Priscilla at West Mall at 9am (yes, 9am @ Bukit Batok) and had breakfast. We then went to queue at the autograph area & the space was really freaking small. Sat there from 9plus all the way to 3pm. In the midst of queuing, Priscilla and I helped a little boy to find his parents because he was crying and shouting for mommy. Thank god Priscilla saw him and we found the parents for the little boy. But then it seemed like it was the little boy who came out of the shop itself and got lost. But still, thank god we found the parents for him if not he will really get lost in the mall ><
After which around 10plus, Priscilla's friends came along & queued with us. It was my second time seeing them (another time was also at ghost's autograph session). Hehe, rather pleasant chat with them.


With one of the girls - Yen Ting

We also had a pleasant chat with this girl that we met at the session who was queuing in front of us. Around 2pm, we were allowed to get into the small little area to queue for the autograph session. Altho we were the last few to get into the first row, we became the first few to be scheduled to go up the stage for the autograph. Hehehe. &&& the gap between the barricade and the stage is like freaking damn near so therefore once ghost lean forward, I can literally touch him (but of course I didn't touch him). 
Beloved ghost came early & we had the session started. He sang two songs and had interview done. Totally love his reaction when the fans said Rainie Yang when ghost talked about ex-girlfriends. Hehehe <3 Also, during the autograph session, Priscilla they all really did me a great favour. They helped me to tell ghost that it was my birthday the next day & at the point of time, he was signing my album of his. He stopped signing; looked at me and said "Happy Birthday". Hehehe, I melted inside. LOL. After signing, he then shook my hands and said thank you. Thank goodness I passed him the letter before he signed my album if not i will have forgotten about passing him the letter >< After signing, we continued to linger in the mall & spammed photos of him signing. LOL. He's really god damn attractive~

So thankful that I'm at the first row (: 


Tell me why he is pouting WHEN he was signing

Anyway, after spamming lots of photos of him, I left early and went down to Hougang to collect my CNBLUE EAR FUN normal edition and limited edition. Hehehe, awesome much! :D Cabbed home to watch Stars award & again, squealing when I saw my beloved ghost! hehehe <3 
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30 April 2012 

Yeap, it was my birthday & seriously, I really felt damn blessed. Colleagues gave me angpao (with quite a lot of money) and also celebrated with me. Of course they wanted to celebrate during lunch time but suddenly a child came with her bleeding nose & we spent like half an hour tackling with her bleeding nose. Hehehe, but apart from that, children knew that it was my birthday and came up to me saying happy birthday. Went to eat at Paradise Inn with family and KBOX with them afterwards. First time k session with family & really had lots of fun. Hehe, I paid for the K session tho~ even it cost quite a bomb. Hehehe! :P Mommy bought me clothes & sister bought me things related to CNBLUE. Weeeeeeeeee~ <3<3<3
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1 May 2012

Met up with my beloved darlings today! Hehehe, met Keith, Renghong and Weichyi at Bedok Inter & we bused down to Mandarin Gardens for its ThaiPan :D PeiLing came after that since she said she had to take somethings only to realize that it was a lie. HEHE. The food there was really good although the wait is really ..... But still, we had lots of fun there. The chit chatting, the phototakings.. hehehe. Went to the outdoor of the restaurant and had a mini celebration with them. They celebrated both mine and weichyi's birthday since it's only 2 days apart <3 After which, we went walking in the place and went to play at the playground. & LOL, this mom actually asked her kid to call chyi auntie. Wts. -.- But whatever, we just took our photos happily~ hehe. The guys went home after that while the remaining 3 of us went to Udders! :D Had fun talking over thereeeeeeeeee~ really miss and love this bunch of people. It had been like 6-7 years since we knew each other, from total strangers to close friends. This bunch of friends, they are really my treasures; my dearests. 



Present by my treasures <3<3
See the AES on the wrapping paper? It's because this Peiling knows that I really wanted to get something from there so she purposely put that 3 letters so to look like it's from there! hehehe, this girl <3 




Card done by PeiLing with all the hearts inside, written by those treasures <3<3
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TODAY

Final observation today & it went well! I have to really say thank you to Wu Lao Shi & Joey! They really helped me, a lot. & also my N2C children. They behaved really well & cooperated real good. Tell me how not to miss them when I'm done with my SIP. I'm left with 2 weeks of internship over at Pinnacle. I mean it's not like as if I won't go back to the centre to work, but by the time I go back, my N2 children will have already forgot about me since their long term memory aren't that good. Also, even though I didn't teach this year's K2, but still they had been real good children these few months & the memories with them were really good. I will miss those N1s, whom I quite close to. I'm not so close to the K1s since I spent most of my time scolding them :P, but still some really will make me miss them. The colleagues over there, of course, had already stayed in my heart since a long time ago. Working with them really isn't stress at all. The working environment over there is really enjoyable and fun. 

2 more weeks of internship before returning back to school. I will make full good use of it and enjoy it! (: 

<3<3 

Side note: I GOT MY "黑心傷品"實境影像MV/DVD YESTERDAY! OYAYYYYYYY~ Gonna watch it soon! 100 pages of photobook, I can only say my beloved ghost is drop dead awesome and gorgeous in it.


黑心傷品"實境影像MV/DVD
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我們, 越變越曖昧. 而你, 固執地不戳破這氛圍.
好幾次我差點脫口而出的話被我硬生生的吞回去, 因為我累了.
已經採取過太多的主動, 如果你也喜歡我, 可不可以這一次, 就你主動?

Basically did the same thing throughout the entire 3 days, from Monday to Wednesday. Just that began to worry a lot for the upcoming lesson observation :X Sigh, i really hope by then my voice will recover and the lesson will proceed on smoothly, without any hiccups ): 

Anyway, went for band after work on Monday but didn't play since they were practicing for CCA recruitment & I won't be playing cos I'll be still having work. Tuesday went over to Popular to check on something but turned out to be nothing. Hence left my particulars there for them to call me when the albums are here : Alien Huang's "Break Heart Black Heart" CD + DVD & Show Luo's "有我在". Must thank Selene for accompanying me to Popular! Then headed back to Bedok to meet up with Small Joey & Jerrie for dinner & ended up talking for hours about the kids in Pinnacle. Hehehe. 

Had a KTV session after work on Wednesday with Small Joey, Wee Liang, Audrey, Big Joey, Wai Hern, Aaron, Boss and Selene. My voice was already nearly half gone & still have to sing & ended up being voiceless the next day. Hehe, since it's their last week (for Small Joey & Wee Liang) working in Pinnacle, so we thought of having like a mini celebration after work but in their end it became like a mini matchmake session where they forced me and teacher wai to sing duets. LOL in the end we just sang one and the rest we were just singing our own songs. Can't pitch all of the songs cos my voice was already gone. Grr~ After the singing, boss then sent us off! hehe Thank you boss! :D my condolences to you and your family! stay strong! 

Called in sick the next day and went to see a doctor. I have never seen a doctor so fast in my life. It's like I'm in the room for less than 2 minutes :O well, took the medicine and went over to Popular to get my Alien Huang's cd. Went there and realized that the person who called me the day before regarding the album was actually my primary school friend, Kai Yang. Hehe, chatted with him a lil and left. Went home and napped all the way. 

hehehe, the CD + DVD I collected yesterday~ 

Today, went to pay a visit to my late grandpa (maternal side) and had a great chat with my dearest cousin Xavier. I really enjoyed chatting with him. Although our topics are basically the same everytime but each time when we chat, we will have more things to say & I really enjoyed that atmosphere. The comments & advises that he gave are really constructive and I really like it. & now we are all grown up. We won't be back to last time where we will play hide&seek at the place or go to the turtle pond when parents are burning the incense papers. Although things are different, but I enjoyed these changes. We just seemed like we have already grown up. 

Meeting up with dearest clique tomorrow! Steamboat and celebration! hehe hope it all turns well! 
& PLEASE, MY VOICE. PLEASE COME BACK TO ME ): 

Struggling deep inside. Like what cousin Xavier said, if I'm struggling right now, this means that the first wasn't the right choice. But is it true? I don't know. I'm really struggling, right now, deep inside. Teach me how not to, please. 

It's an awesome day today because I've gotten my AEST and CNBLUE BLUESTORM IN SEOUL dvd! ^^

Went Far East Plaza & wanted to buy my AEST. But realized that there was queue in front of the shop & I found it quite awkward to queue because I was alone. Therefore I stood behind for half an hour & when it's 12, I quickly went to queue. The queue wasn't that long but I still stood outside the shop for like an hour plus before getting my shirt because they only allow one group/person in at a time if there is a launch of new release items. Hence, I gotten my AEST around 1pm? When I went into the shop, I realized there isn't the white version of AEST that I wanted (yes, sold out within an hour & all sizes :O) but there's still the black version with only size M and XL left (seriously, who buy so many at one go?). People might find it not worth the money but to me, it's nice; just that I have to save up like crazy after this.


will post up a better photo soon! ^^

At first I was worrying about the size that I have to buy, because since it's a guy cutting therefore I wasn't sure to buy M or S. But taking my weight into account, M seemed to be a better choice. Heheheh :S

Oh when i was queuing, there was a guy who was in front of me & I noticed that he was wearing STAGE's items from head to toe. I'm not too sure about the glasses & watch (because i saw XG having the watch before) but the shirt, short, shoes and bag are from STAGE. And I think he was the only one who queued for so long to buy STAGE's items when today is the new release of AES items. I mean there's nothing wrong but I thought he can come and buy anytime since I don't think STAGE was releasing any new items today and he doesn't have to queue for so long. Hmmm this guy is weird. Oh wells, he bought himself 2 shirts from STAGE & I saw that one was bright pink. Hehehe (Y) 

Oh oh! While I was queuing (part2), someone called me and it took me a minute to realize that that person was the maid that took care of my late grandma. LOL haven't been seeing her ever since my grandma passed away hence I kinda forgot her name HEHEHE :S

Anyway, after purchasing my AEST, went to train back to TP & saw Zara with her mom on the way! Hehe apparently Zara was in a half-wake state therefore she doesn't really acknowledge me ): ): Ohwells~ heheheh :D I have no idea why the train was so packed at 1 plus on a Saturday. Maybe because people are rushing to town area to shop? But it was freaking damn packed :S Anyway, reached TP around 2 plus and went into bandroom. Helped Joleen to do a lil of the library stuffs and went over to the opposite to eat KFC with Asyiqin & Winnie. Chatted here & there & played awhile at the fitness corner before heading back to the bandroom. Didn't really do much after we went back and we ended back slacking while I finished my inventory list. Joleen and Winnie left early & hence Asyiqin & I were watching random videos with my com while listening to the Alumni band playing YMCA and Phantom of the Opera. 

Michelle (Eonni) was damn shocked to know that AEST caused 63 bucks! HEHEHE & Muen loves Hey You by my babies! Aww :D

Stayed till like 6.30 while heading down to Bedok Point with Asyiqin and Han Jie for dinner at Subwayyyyyyy~ This totoro wanted to buy some micro fibre cloth & we headed to NTUC and Japan home but don't have and we ended up walking home. Was laughing like mad during the walking because that totoro was repeating his "OKAY" and playing with his jelly-like stomach. LOL. Reached home and bathed and ended up watching random clips from ylbfb till now~~ 

OHOH! I've gotten my CNBLUE BLUESTORM IN SEOUL DVD from Asyiqin~! OH YEAH :D :D 



Haven't gotten the time to watch since I just gotten it today! Shall watch it soon! Can't wait to see Minhyuk singing Star! :D & YAY CNBLUE'S COMEBACK STAGE (since I only listened to their songs for Kpop) :D :D 

Heheh that's all for today! Long posts recently; ohwells. 

有一种情绪是不具名的悲伤

We had a field trip today with the N2s & their parents, to Suntec to take the Duck Tour! (: 
Although not all my darlings went but still there were 11 of them and 17 parents ^^


The Boat-Bus

Children reported at the centre and had a mini debrief regarding the trip before we proceeded to board the bus. KaiJie and his mommy came a lil late but still managed to join us. His mommy brought him to buy some bread because he hasn't eat breakfast & he even bought one for Teacher Joey. Awwwwww~ 

When we reached Suntec, children were really excited and busy taking photos with their parents or the teachers went around taking photos for them. Hahaha, as much as I want to upload, I can't~ oh wells! Anyway, the children really looked adorable in the life jackets ^^ Kai Jie is especially sweet :3 

We boarded the Boat-Bus and began our trip. The tour guide was explaining to us about the buildings and stuffs but I think the children were only eager to have the Boat-Bus into the water. They got real hyper when the Boat-Bus went into the water. Hahaha.
The tour guide also asked if there was any children who want to sing songs and there were 2 children who volunteered themselves! Zara went in front to sing "The Wheels on the Bus goes Round and Round" while Kai Jie went to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". Omg they were really adorable and brave. Their parents were really proud and happy for them! :D 

After an hour in the Boat-Bus, we then went over to Macs to have our lunch & the children were busy playing with their duck whistle. I'm literally singing "Old MacDonald had a farm" and I have 3 little ducklings running around in Macs, blowing on their duck whistle. Haha, i can only pity that guy who sat next to us and reading his book - too noisy for him! :P 

After the lunch we then boarded the bus back to the centre and it was pouringggggggggggggggggg~ thank goodness we went in the morning because the weather in the morning was perfect! Back to the centre and did not really do anything much but sort out the feedback forms and worksheets. Sort of slacked the rest of the day while doing my reflection journal and talking to Audrey Kanggggggggggg! 

Saw Shu Zhen, Shu Rui and Max when we were in the centre. Shu Zhen and Shu Rui were about to have their lunch with mommy while Max was having fun with his maid and sister. Max, really looked adorable despite his special needs (: 

Through this journey, I realized that the bonding between me and the children are really getting stronger. Some children even went home and told their parents about me (positive stuffs) which I had never thought about it. I kinda don't want to leave this batch of N2s. I don't want SIP to end but I want the lesson observation to be off the track~ I really hate lesson observation and I'm really getting stressed by that matter. Ugh. Beh Beh is coming down 2 weeks from now for my lesson observation. Ugh. 

Anyway, colleagues were really cute that they started to matchmake me and another male colleague who happened to join us after the March Holidays. I don't even know how to feel about it. HAHAHAHAH! 


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如果那天他告白了, 我也許會考慮他. 不是我善變, 是因為你事先根本也不珍惜我. 為什麼我要去糾纏不放?
你可以一下子音訊全無, 也可以一下子和我聊得很投契. 你所用的詞彙也讓我很混亂. 你到底要我怎樣?
但是, 這都是如果. 也許到頭來, 兩邊不著岸. 我便什麼都不用愁.
真的也不知道為什麼同事要撮合我們俩個. 

Updating for the sake of my dearest bby - Asyiqin since she asked me to update (be honored okay!)

♥♥

It's been like 3 months since i last updated this pathetic space but come to think about it, who even read this anymore? i mean it's not like i'm updating some popular stuffs or whatsoever. it's just daily routine or simple rants. 

talking about rants, yes. 

i'm still not over about the things that happened on Monday. On the surface, everything seems alright. But hell no, this is so not happening in me. So what if i blew everything and stomped out of the band room after he said that he forgot everything? It will become MY fault again. Yes, MY fault. Hence, what i did was just swallow everything thing down, including my pride and act as if i'm over that matter. I really hate that attitude that he gave. Don't you know that things that you said during those days had already erased all our confidence and when you apologized, you expect us, or me, to forgive you? 
Do you know by having me to come clean certain things with you make me feel that you will think that i'm a petty person? why can't you be the one explaining to us? why don't you feel the shame? why don't you feel the guilt? 
Instead, you continued to give us that mocking face and attitude of yours. Do you know that your words really HURT us A LOT? Do you actually know that?
Sometimes, SOME boys are just so useless.
Yes, the word BOY should be used on you despite the fact that you are OLDER than me. 
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Up till now, I think I'm still not used to the fact that my grandma is gone. I mean I know that she's gone. I know that she's no longer by my side. I know that I can never see her smiling at me again. I know that I will visit her in the temple. I know that I can talked about her happily. But deeply in my heart, somehow something is not right. Even until now. It's already 44 days since she passed away and I don't feel right in my heart. I don't know how to say this but somehow something is in my heart. Something that hurt so much that I can't breathe right. Something that tears me up. Something that pains me. All I know is, I really miss her. 




♥♥♥♥
This was just last year, 2011. Last year, she was this fine, this healthy. But now, this year 2012, she's gone. It's just a year after.
I still remember her sitting at her favourite seat and always give me a smile when I shouted for her from the door.
I still remember her feeding me porridge when i was sick.
I still remember how she was so scared that she will fall outside and held my hands so tightly.
I still remember how she will always asked me the same thing over and over again.
I still remember how much she love to watch teochew opera.
I still remember how much she loves me. 

阿嬤, 我好想你. 
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somethings to be happy about.... 
1) I finally saw my babyboy - Xiaogui, again in NTU!
He was the guest singer for Impresario 2012 & he was so awesome that night (:

photo credit to sgaliensociety

2) CNBLUE is finally making their korean comeback! 

EAR FUN
credit to owner(:

3) idk whether this is a happy issue but i sorta stop listening to kpop except cnblue's.
4) The kids in my centre are so freaking awesome and adorable! 
5) Met up with my HMT girls just now & to celebrate my dearest peiling's & leeying's birthday! 

My dearies ♥♥

6) Ensemble night is over except we have to showcase to Mr Tan on Monday.
7) The band committee is finally stepping down! (& nobody can say that i'm using authority to push on people)
8) Supper club is getting way and way awesome! (hurhurhur)
9) I miss my girls and glad that I met up with them today! :D
10) I'm getting more and more attached to my N2 children! (:

Overall, i'm a happy kid here (: 
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i have no idea whether or not you know. But you don't know, do you?